I had my overnight bag, towel, gift, and CDs. For Rachel, I had burned two very long CDs, with "our" songs on them. I had even bought one of those Make-Your-Own-CD-Cover kits, and made some really cool covers for them. I had also written her a huge letter, reminiscing about some of our greatest memories, and telling her how much she meant to me as a friend, like-a-sister, etc.As I flip-flopped up her walk, I realized that I had to slap on the happy face asap. This was the defining moment. I had to either prove that I was over him, or live in the misery of it for a long time to come. So I chose the better route. I slapped on the happiest, perkiest face I could, and gave her a huge hug as she opened the door."Happy birthday!" I cooed, and handed her the gift bag."Aww! Thank you so much Lauren!"Then I shrugged, giving her the corniest smile I could muster. Then we both burst out laughing. "How are you holding up?" she asked, heading up to her room with me in tow."Okay I guess. He showed. At evening times in spring and summer I would walk our dog there - though the real reason was to spy on the lovers who went there for sex. Whether they were stretched out naked, fucking in the grass, or fondling each other up against a tree, it never failed to get me hard. Once back home in bed, I would masturbate over the sights I'd witnessed. On one memorable occasion I spied a young blonde woman on her knees, giving an older man a lovely blow job. It culminated with him anointing her face with a huge facial. That time I never made it back home to jerk off, copiously filling my shorts. My mother gave me an old fashioned look when I told her the dark stain was from the dog splashing through a puddle.In my early-twenties, I would sometimes hang around public toilets, getting a sexual frisson from observing adult men eyeing each other up hungrily, prior to a session of mutual masturbation in one of the cubicles. I always avoided eye contact. I didn't want to join in their games; I.
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